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Showing posts with label victorian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victorian. Show all posts

Monday, 9 January 2017

Beware! Micro-Tales: Sherlock Holmes and the Grim Old Chair

Beware! the Zine cares about your literary consumption. Accept this micro-tale into your lives and know true ecstasy.

Sherlock Holmes and the Grim Old Chair

Freelance sleuth and social disaster, Sherlock Holmes, upsets Dr John Watson.


It was late afternoon and the winter sun was giving up on London. London, and Londoners, were used to this, and both city and folk continued to live to death as greyness swept through the capital like a river of unadulterated misery. It washed over Baker Street. Baker Street was immovable.

At 221b, Sherlock sat with his back to the window. He was naked, except for his deerstalker, and every few seconds he pushed back hard with his legs, causing his chair to creak. The chair was unusual, like one of those wicker frame chairs, but this one had a thin, beige material stretched over it. Umbrella-like, but with a broader, skeletal quality to it.

The door swung open noisily, its handle hitting the wall and continuing its excavation into the battered plasterwork.

“What the bloody hell is that thing still doing here? I thought I told you to get rid of it!”

Sherlock looked up and, having failed to notice the bang from the door careering into the wall, was now surprised to see Watson stood in front of him.

“Ah, Watson.”

“Yes? Is that it? I asked you a damned question!”

“You know very well why it’s still here. The case remains open.”


“What more can be gleaned from a chair made from human skin? You should have given it to the Yard when you discovered it.”

“The killer is at large and I need to make my deductions before the police are made aware. You know the pattern, Watson: the police learn of events and then the press gives the murderer a stage name. I detest stage names… They cloud everything.”

“You mean to tell me that you’ve kept this from the police? Lestrade will gut you… like a damned cat!”

Watson’s inelegant threat riled Sherlock enough to break the remainder of his concentration.

“Now, listen here, Watson. You know full-well that - wait, what did you say?”

“I said that he’ll gut you.” Watson wasn’t about to repeat the embarrassing ending.

“No, no, no. Human skin. How do you know it’s made from human skin? I’ve not told you that.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Sherlock. I’m not a complete idiot. That bloody chair’s got more tattoos than a merchant seaman.”

Saturday, 31 January 2015

Beware! The Zine's Comic Adaptation of H. G. Wells's The War Of The Worlds - One Random Page At A Time

Earthlings! A three-fingered salute we do offer you, and slightly-cooler-than-Earth's-mean-temperature thanks for checking in at Beware! The Zine. We doubt not that you're already filled with a thousand shades of happy at having got to know the cyber-entities Nase and Abel, the lifestyle guru Johnny Cocktail, the comedy circuit's uber-failures Bob and Bob (The Two Bobs), and defender of the Fenland Times review column (and time traveller), Kennedy Hiscox-Wormegay. So, having already made available offerings of such a sturdy nature, it is with multitudinous pleasure that I, envoy to the Martian High Council, do introduce a comic so lengthy... so ambitious... so UNFINISHABLE... that it really does deserve its full-length title every time somebody makes reference to it.

We at Beware! The Zine believe in quality. But believing in it doesn't mean we have to employ it in each and every one of our endeavours. And so, with that in mind, we are trying something new. The premise is simple. We will take one page, at random, from my 1973 Penguin copy of H. G. Wells's The War Of The Worlds, and convert it to comic format, with minimum of fuss. One day, we may even complete the task.

So, for your vision-based gratification, I give you page 47.

Arranged, pencilled and inked by Gareth Monger.