Friday, 31 July 2015

Poetry Hallway - Unexpected Item In Bagging Area

Pile 'em low, sell 'em short, ignore iambic pentameter. That's our three-pointed strategy at Poetry Hallway, and by God if it's not working. You could try to argue otherwise, but you'd be wrong. We don't so much thumb our noses at tradition as yank the things off and thrust the bloody masses right up its timid traditional normal-nosed face. The joys of cartilage.

Look sharp now! We are banister-grippingly proud to showcase a guest poet in our slim auditorium today; Leicester's very own Andrew Walton. Shuffle along now.

Unexpected item in bagging area

Do you have a Nectar card?
System can be frustrating to some shoppers.
Are you using your own bags?
Growth is projected to steadily rise.
Keep customers happy.
Approval required.

Your call is currently number six in the queue. Please continue to hold.
Reduce the length of checkout lines and wait times.
Your call is very important to us, please hold.
Minimizing the stress on employees.
We are currently experiencing high call volumes.
Please call back later or continue to hold.

Please insert cash, or select payment type.
The salaries of multiple cashiers can quickly add up.
Notes are dispensed below the scanner.
Lower overhead costs.
Providing customers with the service they need.

Many customers don’t feel comfortable with the process:
Dealing with a faceless machine.
Customers enjoy a brief conversation,
Prefer to have a one-on-one interaction with cashiers.
Thank you for using Sainsbury’s self-checkout.

[Found poetry – automated voice commands from self-service checkouts; telephone answering services and]

If you'd like to support Andrew Walton's poetry, a sensible way would be to buy his latest collection, 'Little Green Poetry', available here.

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